


A Monster

by Sarasplenda



Category: Hilda (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fist Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Nightmares, Post-Canon, School, Self-Reflection, post hilda and the mountain king
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:00:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29569266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarasplenda/pseuds/Sarasplenda
Summary: This story takes place directly after the events of Book 6 but also follows the canon of the Netflix series.Hilda comes home and has a lot of thinking to do.
Relationships: Alfur & Hilda (Hilda), David & Frida & Hilda (Hilda), Hilda & Johanna | Hilda's Mum (Hilda), Hilda & Twig (Hilda)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you’re for some reason here from One Good Scare and you’re wondering about it shh it never happened. No but in all honesty I’ve just been very anxious and don’t know where to go with it. It ended pretty ambiguously anyway.
> 
> But, my first Hilda fic! I love how real this show feels and I just can’t stop thinking about it. Without further ado:

“They really are beautiful when they bloom,” Johanna said, opening the door to the flat. “Did you know that happened?”

“No,” Hilda said, putting her beret on a hook, ”I wasn’t sure what would happen when they actually got in the city but I could… hear her. I still can sort of. Feel it at least. I’m sure it’ll go away eventually or I’ll get so used to it I don’t notice it anymore.”

Tontu promptly collapsed onto the sofa with a yawn and slumped into nowhere space. 

“Fascinating! Really?” Alfur interjected, “I think I’ll turn in early tonight. Well, actually it’s quite late but you get the sentiment. I want to start my report right away! There is so much new information and I don’t want to miss a single detail about it!”

“Oh, I’m sure. And I’m sure that you,” Johanna said to Hilda, poking her perfectly  _ human _ nose, “would like to relax.”

“Yes! that sounds amazing right now. I’ll start getting ready for bed.”

“I’ll get you a fresh towel,” Johanna smiled.

  
  


Hilda stared at her hands intensely, not even noticing the suds between her fingers from her nice warm bubble bath. She stroked her wet hair. _Aqua_ was quite apt at the moment. Was it even the same hair? She supposed there was enough dust and debris from the wall that even if it wasn’t the same body, this one needed cleaning. If nothing, it was nice to help her wind down. She noticed Twig’s whimpering at the door as she rinsed herself. Drying off and wrapping the towel round herself as the tub drained she cracked the door for him and he happily obliged. He jumped onto the toilet lid and sat watching her brush her teeth before seemingly getting bored and deciding to watch the water drain instead. She spit her toothpaste out noticing, with a start, herself in the mirror. She gazed into the girl's sky blue eyes. Her face. It was her face. She shuddered as she turned off the tap.

“I’ve been thinking I could write my own, er, not well, report? Not like an elf. But my perspective of things.” She said coming into the sitting room in her pajamas, sitting at the table and brushing her hair. “I think it’s important for people to know. I could even illustrate it! You could do the cover! Maybe it’ll be an important book in the library one day!” 

“That sounds wonderful,” her mum said, pouring the last dregs of her chamomile down the sink. “But not now, you look like you could use some sleep.” 

Hilda tried to protest but merely yawned instead. “It’s nearly midnight,” Johanna said, placing her mug in the drying rack.

She turned to wipe her hands on the tea towel. Hilda had hardly noticed that she had changed into her pajamas as well, bottoms and a short sleeve shirt from Trollbergs’ renowned football team. Her eyes snap to her mum’s left arm, wrapped in a large bandage. ”Mum? What happened?” She asked, as she ushered her to her bedroom.

Johanna looked behind her unsure of what she was referring to until her eyes fell on her, staring at her arm. “What? Oh… oh this? Well you know I was out looking for you that night,” she rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably, “and I couldn’t see you anywhere... but I saw Baba’s mum so I ran after her and some of the not so friendly trolls… attacked me. I got scratched pretty bad but I escaped. I was so scared for you and it hurt like the dickens but I’ve been worse. I was a little crazed at the A&E I don’t think they were taking me quite seriously to be honest, they said I was delirious as they were giving me sutures. I think I can take this bandage off tomorrow, though.”

Hilda sat stone cold in her bed. “You… got hurt...because of me…” she trailed off refusing to look at anything besides her bedsheet. 

“Nonsense Hilda! Darling, you didn’t scratch me.”

“But you were out looking for me! If you weren’t it never would have happened!”

“And I’d do it all over again if it meant you were safe. I’d do anything for you, Hilda, and you know I love you. These things happen regardless of strange creatures and magical circumstances. It isn’t your fault you were changed.”

Hilda’s heart sank as she looked at her bedpost, wondering if that was true. “Now get some sleep, Love, you’ve been through quite a lot,” She kissed her on the forehead; turning off the lights as she left the room. “Goodnight mum. I love you…”

Hilda had a lot to process but quickly found herself succumbed by exhaustion. Lulled to sleep by Twig’s gentle breathing and the small nightlight of Alfur’s tiny house, which would turn off shortly after.

* * *

  
She found herself in the stone forest again. She didn’t understand! Why couldn’t she leave this place!? She just wanted to be home!. Hilda ran outside into the wilderness with reckless abandon. She stopped. She heard something. No.  _ Someone. _ “Hiiilda,” Johanna’s call came on the wind, concern in her voice but somehow… distant.

It was coming from far away but it sounded as loud as a jet plane. “ _MUM_?!? Don't worry, mum, I’m coming!” 

“HILLLLLDA…”

She approached the city walls of Trollberg, when pain suddenly shot through her head. She collapsed in agony, all the while still hearing her name. But now it was joined with the toll of the city's bell. It felt like someone had driven a metal steak right between her eyes, the pain was nearly blinding. She fled. And as the pain died away she gazed upon her hands. The same hands as before. The same deathly pale skin, thick and callused, far too bulky to belong to a human child. These hands were not her own. The hair falling over her shoulder a sickly grey, far from the vivid cerulean she was used to. She dared not bring a hand to her face to confirm how far her nose was protruding from it. “No… I can’t… why... I don’t understand, I was… we… I… I…”

“Hilda?”

This one was different. Clear as a bell and closer than before. Hilda looked up from her stupor to see her mum, standing there on the mountain in that same daffodil colored jacket, tears in her eyes. She couldn’t tell what kind of tears they were. But as she got up to run to her mother’s embrace the ground shook beneath them, sending them tumbling partway down the mountain. A massive troll rose in stature before them, nearly as big as a forest giant, glowing, indigent red eye. ”Trundle?” How did you… I don’t understand…” 

“It’s meant to be this way,” he interrupts. “You’re wild.  _ Feral.  _ Did you really think you belong with  _ them”  _

He stretched out his behemoth arm and plucked Johanna off the ground by her hair, with nothing more than his thumb and forefinger. She screamed. “No!” Hilda shouted. “Don’t touch her!”

“I don’t know why you’d want to be one anyway,” he continued, toying with Johanna who was struggling fruitlessly, passing her from hand to hand like he wasn’t sure what to do with her. He finally settled upon grabbing her by the arm and dangling her above the ground. There was an unholy pop in her shoulder and she yelped in pain. “STOP IT!'' Hilda cried.  


Trundle paid no mind and continued “Humans,” he swung Johanna around a little for emphasis, “are filthy vermin who lead insignificant lives. They take everything and leave nothing. The only thing they’re worth is the meat.”

His grip tightened on Johannas arm as she cried out in pain once more, dangling her higher like a ragdoll above his head. 

“ _ LET HER GO! _ ” Hilda roared.

“If you insist,” he said, dropping his jaw. 

“Hilda!” Johanna screamed. 

And then. He dropped her. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. Hilda’s wail. Johanna falling, spinning in midair, reaching out desperately for her daughter. He snapped his gargantuan mouth shut and she disappeared down his gullet without a trace. “ **NO!!!** **_Mum!_ ** ” Hilda screamed. “You… you MONSTER!” 

She beat at his feet as she sobbed but he merely kicked her into the wall with a horrible thud. “That’s all we are to you people, monsters.”

Hilda crumpled to the ground defeatedly. Everyone had heard stories of trolls eating people but no one was ever sure if it was true. “ _ And now you’re one of  _ **_us._ ** ”

She was sure things couldn’t get any worse. And then came the warm glow of sunrise. Hilda shrieked. The pain was indescribable. She rolled into a protective ball on the ground, writhing. It was almost as if she were burning alive and being frostbitten at the same time “MUM! NO! I'm, I’m sorry…”

And then there was nothing.   


* * *

Hilda shot up in bed, a scream dying in her throat, startling Twig who had been sniffing at her concernedly. Upon realizing she noticed him he gave a comforting lick to her cheek. Alfur was standing on the shelf outside of his home, basked in the soft light of it. Nitten Peppercorn in his arms. Her minuscule mew was barely audible to Hilda. His entire home was powered by two AAA batteries. He had marveled when she changed them for him, saying something of how it usually took a small team of electricians to install one. The squeak of a door being swiftly opened grabbed her attention. “Hilda?! Hilda is everything alright?!” Her mum looked ready to fight an  _ old _ giant.

Hilda burst into a fresh well of tears. Johanna ran to her bedside, Hilda flailing and grabbing for her arms before she could even arrive. “Hey! Hey, I’m here! I’ve got you! Hey… shh… it’s alright,” Johanna cooed, rubbing her daughters back as she heaved into her chest. 

Hilda held her mother tighter then she ever had before. Tighter, even, than she had that very same evening on the mountain. She pulled back, frantically looking into her Mum's eyes as if to make sure she was there. Her breathing was rapid and unsteady and she was shaking like a leaf. “Hey, hey… it’s going to be alright. What happened? Johanna asked, running her fingers through her cornflower blue hair, not expecting an answer right away. 

Hilda’s breathing began to slow as her mother soothed her. Alfur had moved to her bed and was whispering calming mantras as well. Peppercorn’s tiny purrs sounded a bit like the buzz of a bumblebee. 

Hilda calmed but refused to let go of her mother, still crying. “I had a nightmare. She began softly.

“Yes, I figured, though with how this week has been I couldn’t be sure,” Johanna murmured. 

“I… Mum, do you think it could happen again?” 

“I don’t know,” she admitted, “but you helped make everything right with them. I don’t see a reason for it to.”

Twig whined in sympathy. 

“I wondered if I would ever be human again, if, if I would ever see you again, I thought...”

“Oh, Hilda, I know. I know. I was beside myself with worry, too. But we’re together now and that’s all that matters.

“Yeah…” Hilda said finally letting go, hand brushing against the bandage on her mother’s arm as she pulled her own away. 

“Tell you what, I think it would be good for the both of us I slept in here tonight.”

“Yes, please,” Hilda replied.

“I’m going to get my sleeping bag and pillow. Are you gonna be alright?”

“...yes.” She answered after some hesitation.

Johanna gave one last rub to the top of her head before leaving the room. Hilda watched her shadow disappear. “He ate her.” She said softly.

“Pardon?” Came Alfur, as he walked to the girls leg, laying a gentle not-hand on it for reassurance.

“He. ATE. Her. Trundle did. I was… and then she was… and she was just… gone…” she sniffed. 

“Oh. Oh dear, I can see why you were crying in your sleep.”

“It’s all my fault! If I had just waited to give Frida that stupid dust then none of it would have happened.”

“You know I was still there, you could have just said you were coming to get me. Or called Frida and gave her the dust when she dropped me off.”

Hilda smacked her forehead. “Why can’t I think about anything before I do it!? Jørgen… the stupid mice… The weather spirits… Jellybean… the kraken…” 

“You did all those things, Hilda, because you are the kindest person I have ever met.” Alfur interjects before she has time to think of more. 

“You think so?”

He nods. Johanna reappeared in the doorway. She lays her sleeping bag and pillow out on the rug. She gives Hilda a kiss on the forehead before climbing in. Alfur gives her a concerned look before returning to his house. Twig was the first to fall asleep, then Alfur, or at least she thought since his light went out. Then Mum. And then it was just her… staring out the window at the mountain. Not a trollfire in sight.

_ Am I kind?  _ She thought,  _ or am I a monster? _

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Great_Raven_Parade for editing! Go read their Hilda stories!

“How’d you do on your exam? David asked. “I thought it was pretty hard, but I ended up doing alright.”

“Pretty good, I always do fine on the multiple choice, it’s those open-ended ones that always get me. I can write fine when I know what they want from me, but when they ask questions like ‘why do _you_ think Lady Hyacinth did all that stuff?’. I don’t know, do I look like I was around when any D’Ysquiths were in power?”

“It’s supposed to show the teacher your critical thinking, it makes sense you’d have trouble with that,” Trevor sneered. “Why were you gone so long, anyway? Did you get bird flu or something?”

The trio huffed and continued chatting as they walked down the hall to the double doors leading to the schoolyard. The lack of proper reaction annoyed him.

“How’s your mum? Frida asked sitting on a swing.

“Oh, she’s alright,” Hilda mused, “Understandably shaken up, but fine. She got a pretty nasty scratch from a troll,”

“Your Mum got hurt by a troll?” David looked aghast.

“Yeah,” Hilda rubbed her neck, ”she did wander into their territory, given… the context, I can see how that would bother them.”

“You’d think forest people would know better,” Treavor butt in. “What was she doing outside the Wall anyway, miss the dirt?”

“Shut up Treavor, it’s none of your business,” Frida scoffed.

“Hilda gets into stuff that’s none of her business all the time, don’t think I didn’t hear about the bell tower thing.”

“That helped a lot of creatures, and people too, I think it’s my business to help my friends,” Hilda replied.

“ _Oh, I’m Hilda and I run around the city in rubber boots, making friends with squirrels. I taped horns on my cat and tell people it’s a creature from fairy tales,” Trevor mocked._

“Twig’s not a cat?” David dug around in the pea gravel with his foot. The bell rang signifying the end of break.

The students returned to their respective classrooms. The year 7s were given a grammar lecture Alfur would have found enthralling, and then received a Geology lesson. Trevor made faces at Hilda, pretending to make goo goo eyes at the rock samples. Hilda sat in front of him, so she didn’t see. She kept wondering what his gang was snickering about before they were shushed.

* * *

“What do you think Frida, would most of the rocks in the Huldrawood be metamorphic or igneous? Obviously, they’d be sedimentary the closer you get to the fjord.” Hilda dumped her lunch tray and they walked to their lockers.

“Well, our mountains were formed by tectonic shifts, not volcanic activity, so probably metamorphic.” She thought aloud.

“Well, _most_ of them. I hope there’s no more sleeping giants I don’t know about,” the bluenette giggled.

“Seriously what is with that?” David wondered. “If you include the kraken that’s _three_ ,”

“She attracts trouble, it follows her around like a duckling,” Trevor pestered.

“Would you leave us alone already?” Frida sighed.

“I’m just saying, it follows her like Murphy’s Law or something. Nothing weird ever happened around here before she showed up.”

“It’s not my fault the city doesn’t like excitement,” Hilda retorted.

“Sure, that’s why the weather station is inexplicably gone.” His posse laughed. “Nobody asked you to move here anyway,”

“Cut it out!” she yelled.

“Leave her alone already, Trevor!” Frida shouted angrily.

“Why don’t you go back to living in the woods, like a troll,” Trevor pressed.

“I SAID **_STOP IT!_** ” Hilda roared.

The heels of her palms met the side of his face and he tumbled forward. He slipped and fell into the row of lockers with a loud clang. The other kids fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Hilda stood fuming, partially surrounded by the semicircle of secondary schoolers, her fists in tight balls ready to defend herself against any retaliation. Treavor groaned, rubbing his head and shakily getting on his hands and knees. He swiveled to face the others, revealing a black eye and blood streaming from his nostrils, staining his uniform. Hilda gasped, turning from red as a beet to white as a sheet. She fled, pushing past the other students and ran down the hall. She couldn’t hear the startled shout of a teacher asking for explanation as she almost slid into a wet floor sign. She ran into the girl’s room, locked herself in a stall and cried. She was relieved to find herself alone. But it did not last long. “Hilda!” Miss Halgrim’s voice rang through the empty restroom, bouncing off the tiles and porcelain fixtures.

“I… I.. didn’t mean it. I’ll take my punishment, whatever it is, Just please don’t make me go back out there,” the young girl whimpered.

“Hilda, there were several… witnesses to this scuffle. I know that Treavor can be brash, and rest assured, he is not getting away with this scot free. But you cannot resort to physical violence like that.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

The teacher sighed. “Are you alright? Trevor has been taken to the nurse, and your mother was called so I think you would find it more comfortable to sit with the principal until she gets here. Then and only then will discipline be discussed.”

* * *

  
The ride home was quiet. Hilda stared sullenly out the window as Johanna focused on the road. She gripped the steering wheel just a little tighter than normal. Her mind raced and she didn’t know how to break the silence. She sighed. “Hilda… I know it must be difficult…” she began.

The little bluenette girl tensed in her seat but continued looking out the window. “I know it’s a bit weird growing up without other kids around and just being thrust into it. But you can’t go hitting people.”

“I know… I didn’t mean to. He was just being mean all day and I couldn’t take it anymore.” She twiddled with a strand of cerulean hair.

“You have to tell someone if you’re having problems. Sometimes people can’t handle things on their own and that’s ok.”

Hilda did not answer. “Well, I think you understand some punishment is in order. I can tell you feel bad, and you’re already suspended for the week, so let’s just say you are grounded on top of it. “

“That sounds fair,” Hilda mumbled.

Hilda slumped onto her bed. She didn’t notice the small squeak of Alfur’s front door. “Oh! Hello Hilda,” he said. He peeked around his door at the clock face checking the time. “Are you alright? It’s quite early; your school day shouldn’t be over for another couple of hours.”

“Yes. _I’m_ alright,” she muttered

“Pardon?”

“I hit Trevor, I’ve been suspended.”

“Oh my!”

“It wasn’t on purpose. It wasn’t an accident either, I just sort off… lost control,” Hilda rubbed her arm uncomfortably.

“It does seem a bit unlike you. Fighting. Heh, with people anyway.”

“Maybe that’s why Baba’s Mum thought I’d be better off as a troll. That way my Mum could have a more gentle daughter. Alfur, what do you do when you hurt people?”

“Well, there’s generally a lot of paperwork involved: expression of remorse if applicable, acceptance of apology, whether or not compensation is in order, stuff like that.” He waved a stubby arm.

“Mm, that’s not really what I meant. People don’t work like that.”

“A shame, then. I really don’t know what to tell you.”

Hilda took out her sketchbook and began drawing Baba and her mum. She couldn’t bring herself to write about what had happened yet.

“Are you alright? About the whole changling thing?” Alfur asked, making his way to the stack of sticky notes he liked to sit on.

“I think so, it was just scary, you know? Waking up somewhere else in a body you don’t recognize and not being able to get home. I suppose there really is no reason for it to happen again.”

“You know, if you are still worried about it,” Tontu popped out from behind the desk, “ trolls are said to be afraid of iron. Here, take this pair of antique scissors I found in Tontu’s stuff after I moved in. If you don’t mind me asking, what’s so odd about fighting your own kind anyway? You already know trolls do it, and it's pretty strange for a nisse _not to_ do it.”

“People have rules, that’s just the way it is,” Hilda explained. “We like to solve things with words first.”

“I can appreciate that,” Alfur chimed.

Hilda went to the bathroom. After relieving herself she splashed some cold water in her face, losing herself in the mirror again. Something caught her eye in the rubbish bin next to the counter. It was a used bandage. She realized with a start it’s the one from her mum’s arm. It was a bit torn and scrunched, as if Johanna had peeled it off, but she noticed the distinct rusty color of dried blood on the gauze pads. Hilda backed up in fear. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see herself in the mirror and swore she was paler than usual. Her nose was distinctly non-human. She backed into the tub, partially tripping backwards and knocking over shampoo bottles and the like. With shallow, quick breathing she brought a hand to her face. It felt… normal. She ran her index finger down the bridge of her nose. It ended at the round little tip, just where it should be. “Hilda is everything alright in there?” Johanna poked her head in, snapping Hilda from her trance.

“Y...Yes! Yes. I’m fine it’s just this silly bathmat,” Hilda answered. “It’s so slippery.”

“Hm, yeah, I’ve been thinking about getting one with the grips on the bottom for a while. I’ll be sure to write it down so I remember the next time I go shopping.”

“Peppermint tea? Johanna offers to Hilda now sitting at the table, reading from her textbook.

“Sure,” she takes the mug gratefully, “Hhhow’s your arm?”

“Oh, it’s fine, looks good. It’s just so darn itchy”

“It doesn't hurt?”

“Nah,”

“That’s good, at least you won’t have to go about with a black eye because of me.”

“Hilda! I already told you, you are not responsible for it. The only time you’ve ever hurt me was when you were born,” Johanna chuckles at Hilda‘s slightly disgusted look.

“Maybe not, but I’m responsible for what happened to Trevor.”

“Oh, sweetie, I know you feel bad,” Johanna combed her fingers through the waterfall of cornflower cascading from her scalp. “You know, I got into a fight when I was your age too.”

“Really!? What about?”

“It’s not important, what’s important is that I owned up to it and took the consequences, and that’s what you’re doing now. Everything will work out.”

Hilda yawned, cuddling her mum on the sofa as she watched the Trollberg news. “Head of safety patrol, Gerda Gustav, who took the position after Alberg’s recent resignation, awarded the city’s bell keeper a Medal of Honor today, commending his bravery after the night of the trolls. He has returned from his medical leave to resume his position, although Gustav claims that bell protocols will change in the near future,” the anchor reports.

Hilda mouths the words “Medical leave?” eyes half lidded. As if answering her the screen changes to an interview with the bell keeper, “Yes well, it was definitely the most exciting day on the job I’ve ever had,” he snorts.

“Were you scared?” the journalist grills.

“Of the trolls? Not particularly. I’ve seen ‘em approach the wall from time to time, but they usually left after a bit without making much of a fuss. There was a little one earlier that week that got pretty close. Seemed distressed, probably knew something was up. Protocol is, if they get in a certain proximity of the wall, ring the bell. So, I did, and it ran off. Never seen one with hair quite like that before. I thought that'd be about it, then that big’n picked up that boulder...” he chuckled, ”I knew I was in for it.”

“Did any of the injuries you suffered inflict permanent damage?”

“Nah, just some bumps and bruises. Tends to happen when you jump out of a tower,” he deadpans.

Hilda couldn’t tear her eyes away from the man, his good arm resting on a crutch and the other in a sling. All the sounds became overwhelming, the drone of the anchor ending the news cast, the ticking of the clock, Twig grooming himself, the minute scribbles of Alfur’s pen, and Amma‘s calling had become much more noticeable. She could swear Amma was calling her name specifically “Hilda, Hilda… Hilda?” Johanna tugged on her shirt startling her. “Come on, sweetie, it’s time for bed.”

“Now, you know where to find me if you need me. Alright?” Johanna said.

Hilda gave a dry laugh, “that was me, I know it was.”

“Hmm?”

“The ‘little troll’ who tried to get in the city. That was me. I had no idea the bell keeper was in there that night.”

“Hilda you have got to stop being so hard on yourself. Get some rest.” Johanna tucked her in and gives her a kiss.

Rest didn’t come easily again. _Trevor’s right. It follows me everywhere. I can’t keep getting people hurt._ Hilda thought before slipping into slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take some more Broadway references no one asked for. I had fun with this one, especially like that alliteration in the middle.
> 
> Well, as you can see I decided to continue it. I already have the next chapter written so it won’t take long. Thank you for the kudos and comments!


End file.
